I saw my daughter again

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I had written about this dream before in a previous entry but I accidentally deleted it.

My daughter, my wild little fireball. She looked dead at me, her back facing the setting sun. Her hair like an inky raven's wing, a silk shadow, tumbling in soft waves was like my mother's, her grandmother's. She had the eyes my mother also gave to me, big dark chocolate eyes with pretty lashes. My father and I gave her little cupid bow lips.Her arms were long with small hands yet long fingers, much like my mother's. And small dainty feet, my grandmother's. She had her father's nose, ears, and facial expression. And from the both of us, she had a mix of our skin colors. A shade and a half darker than him, a shade and a half lighter than myself. She was so beautiful.In both dreams, I couldn't believe that such a perfect, beautiful human being came from me, that it was my DNA, blood, and cells that shaped her.I carried her, she lived in me.She was his and mine. Yet seeing her again in my dreams saddened me. I'm not even with her father anymore, haven't seen him since May...he's with another now, so why do I keep dreaming of a little girl who will never exist? There was a time when he and I came together countless times that gave chance to her existence, but those days are long over. It hurts because I miss him so and even though she is alive only in my dreams, she is still a part of him. She is our best thing, would have been our best thing.  I've tried to move on, I really have but no man I meet makes me feel how I felt for him or even makes me miss him less. I really did love him and I didn't realize it till after the fact. I can honestly say, I don't want anyone else but him. Since I cannot have him, I rather be alone.  

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